@danecook (Dane Cook)

03:06 September 09 @danecook wrote:

You ever lose focus Google something on your status update? See my last post. Is there a dummy badge?

• 03:04 September 09zombie jerking off in space capsule
• 01:42 September 09Phil Davison GOP candidate goes insane. My 2 requests. I'd love to see his notes footage of the crowd watching him. http://to.ly/6SjG
• 12:37 September 09Hey owner of blue car in drive way of white house with huge bushes and fountain. You left your cars interior lights on.
• 12:36 September 09I can't with connect with people that don't understand my misunderstanding of them.
• 10:27 September 08Just learned a long time hater of mine died 2day. Odd but I will miss him. He once said he hoped to die b4 me 2 escape my comedy. RIP Mx3
• 03:02 September 08My ex girlfriends favorite sexual position was from behind my back.
• 02:57 September 08Sometimes during sex I call out my Facebook page username.
• 02:47 September 08Even the coyotes in Hollywood have head shots.
• 02:36 September 08I'm in bed. I'm comfy. Something feels off. I'm watching Lock Up. I'm drifting. I'm awake. I'm in the wrong house. Shit. I live next door.
• 02:26 September 08Hitting the VMAs this weekend. I'm wearing a vintage 1969 Chevy Nova. Very heavy outfit. I'm sure to be winded.
• 09:10 September 07At least when you come in last place you get the and credit.
• 04:31 September 07I'm spiraling into control.
• 01:34 September 07Watched Dear Zachary last night. Jaw still agape. 1 of the best documentaries I've ever seen I've seen over 6 of them.
• 08:44 September 06@OrganikHipHop oh man I'm missing all the good stuff. I got a rap battle shout out? Is it on tape? @JosephKahn #Detention
• 05:28 September 06See Machete w/ @JessicaAlba Lots of energy. Fun. Thrills. Its like Jaws if the shark was played by Danny Trejo.
• 07:36 September 05I received an excerpt from the song Kanye wrote for Taylor Swift. I'm sure it's just an early draft but it's (cont) http://tl.gd/3gf0bn
• 07:14 September 05Having to fight a standard poltergeist in your home is bad enough. Now a ninja ghost? That's a guaranteed weekend battle.
• 06:36 September 04YouTube away or check out the media stuff here http://www.robertschimmel.com I always said his razor sharp delivery was one of the best
• 06:35 September 04Laughter has bonded me with millions of people around the world. Your emails to me about my friend Robert Shimmell are perfect.